Fake Nice & Toxic Culture: It Felt Like Friendship. It Wasn’t. We’ve all encountered them. The co-worker who is so sweet in conferences, praises your contribution, and celebrates your birthday. They inquire about your well-being, win with you, and never yell. You find yourself saying, “Wow, what a wonderful person,” for a period of time. You may even feel blessed to be sharing a workplace with them.

But inevitably, things change.
They no longer involve you in major decisions. Your suggestions are bounced back by them, paraphrased slightly and all of a sudden, it’s “their project.” They inform you, indirectly, that they’ve had “problems” with your work. You’re taken aback; never a direct comment from them. On the surface, they don’t alter nice, courteous, cooperative. But the undertow of suspicion begins to form. This is not a conflict. This is something even more insidious. This is fake nice.

The New Face of Workplace Toxicity

Corporate culture today isn’t mean in an out-and-out kind of way anymore. Nobody screams down corridors anymore. Toxicity now wears a button-down blouse, talks in cheerful dialects, and never misses a thank you note. Toxicity is pseudo niceness. It is being good-looker, not necessarily being goodness. It is performance, not relationship. And it poisons insidiously through teams and organisations, corroding trust in ways no code of conduct can ever quite explain. What is dangerous about it is not what it says but what it doesn’t. Behind the smiley face is usually a fear of confrontation, a desire for credit, or a malevolent motive to influence events in the guise of helpfulness.

 Why It Does More Harm Than Good

Initially, you can’t quite place it. The individual never was unkind. But once you’ve talked to them, you’re drained. You get shut down around them. You find yourself questioning affirmations, avoiding vulnerability, and keeping emotional distance. And that is the price tag. Fake niceness suffocates safety without ever screaming. Unlike honest disagreement which can lead to growth, fake niceness discourages real dialogue. People avoid saying what they truly mean. Teams smile through silos. Feedback loops break down. The culture starts to rot quietly.

You’re Not Imagining It: Signs to Watch For

You’re not paranoid. You’re perceptive. Here are some soft indicators of fake niceness:

• You never receive constructive criticism, only vague praise.
• They speak one thing in public, yet seldom have your back when you need it.
• They’re too afraid, always talking in ‘safe’ language.
• They make you aware that they’ve heard the opposite of what’s happening to your face.

What to Do When Niceness Doesn’t Feel Nice

You don’t have to get tough or combative. You do need to guard your energy and sanity, though. Here’s how:

• Stay grounded in your values, you don’t have to keep up with their performance.
• Establish boundaries around vulnerabilities until trust is established, not just enacted.
• Find co-workers who are real, honest, and kind but rough around the edges.
• When necessary, correct the behavior gently but firmly.

 Such as:

“I notice we’re in agreement in meetings, but follow-up processes derail, can we do a better job of aligning on communications?” This is not arguing it’s a boundary.

If You’re a Leader: This Is Your Cultural Blind Spot

Leaders tend to interpret “no conflict” as “all is well.” Passive leadership, however, is where insincere niceness triumphs. If you are a team leader or organization leader:

• Reward authenticity more than agreeableness.
• Invent spaces for real disagreement with no punishment.
• Request feedback that’s clear, kind, and direct.

Pay attention to energy, not words: who does your team look included, who does your team look drained, who’s always performing?

Pick Real Over Nice

This is the conundrum: true kindness hurts sometimes. It means hard conversations, honest feedback, even calling out behavior that doesn’t sit right. Fake niceness skips all of that. It’s slippery but not actually. Finally, phony niceness can’t be sustained. It drives people away, puts them in their corner by themselves, and erodes culture.

So next time someone is a little bit “too perfect,” pull back. Not only listen to what they’re saying, but also to what they’re not saying.

Ask yourself:

Is this person honest… or scripted?

And more importantly, what type of colleague do you want to be?